Courtship and Marriage

Good afternoon, Ladies! This is Mary from The Young Lady’s Journal. Today’s topic is kind of a hard one to tackle considering the world’s ideas concerning it, but I’ll give it my best shot.

According to the Church, there are four (4) stages of courtship. The first is friendship. You should know each other and be able to discern whether the other is a virtuous and honorable person. There should be no consideration of dating if one or the other rushes in too fast, especially physically.

“Love at first sight” is not a thing. There is only lust at first sight. Physical attraction is not enough on which to base a relationship. It’s important to remember that the purpose of courtship is to marry. You shouldn’t even date them if you can’t possibly see yourself happily married to them someday, beyond the physical aspects of marriage.

It’s the man’s job to preserve and defend your honor and virtue. You should avoid being alone together, not because you will do anything, but because people assume you will. And if people assume you will, your honor is at stake. People will view you as a woman of little virtue, whether true or not.

I understand that people’s perception of you may not matter, but if your boyfriend allows others to see you that way, true or not, he’s failed to defend your honor.

The second stage is the actual courtship. If you have a father or a father figure, he should ask his permission to date or court you before he even asks you. He should have a pretty good idea that you will accept. The reason this is important is because your father is responsible for defending and protecting your honor until your marriage. If your father doesn’t view the young man as a man of honor, he has every right to say no to him. I’m not saying your father is always right, but he genuinely wants what is best for you, and if he doesn’t think this man will be good for you, that should be respected. Your father is responsible for the protection of your honor until the day you’re married, then he transfers the responsibility to your husband.

The third stage is the engagement or betrothal. A young man should ask a young woman’s father for her hand. He should be fairly certain that she will say “Yes,” at this point. Once a woman says “Yes,” it should be brought to the pastor. Before marriage, one must be cautious with physical affection. It is acceptable, but you don’t want to lose your dignity. If he’s not working to keep your image honorable, he himself doesn’t have totally honorable intentions toward you. You’re close to marriage, but this is no excuse to allow yourself to slip. You can’t afford it if you want a good married relationship.

The fourth stage of courtship is marriage. Many wouldn’t consider this as a stage of “courtship”, but it absolutely is. It’s still your relationship with one person of the opposite sex, whether your honor is fully his responsibility or your father’s. Once married, a woman has to be willing to submit to the decisions of her husband. This is not to say he owns her, but he is the leader of the team. The man is the head, the woman is the heart. It’s always been that way, and it naturally always will be. We can’t rewrite what God has already written in our nature.

If you don’t want a domineering or immature husband, don’t date a guy who’s not willing to defend your purity.

I’m sorry if this seemed a little rigid or old-fashioned, I’m just stating what my priests have made clear to me.

Good afternoon, and I’ll see you all next time at the Young Lady’s Journal!

Love Cannot be Forced

Afternoon gents, it’s Max from The Young Gentleman’s Guide here! So for today’s article, I thought I’d take a stab at something that I personally have been struggling with lately. Also, I feel like this is something that’s important for any up-and-coming gentleman to hear, whether they’re just getting into the dating scene or have been involved in it for ten years, or even more. The most important thing to remember about love and dating is this: it cannot be forced, it has to happen naturally. Let me explain what I mean by that.

Of course, whenever you’re looking to date somebody, it’s important to be upfront with them about your intentions and what you’re looking for out of your interaction, I’m not denying that. What I mean when I say that love can’t be forced is that it’s important to realize that wanting to be romantic with someone after just meeting them will, more often than not, just end with nothing but heartbreak, likely on both sides. A relationship needs to develop naturally over time. You won’t just meet someone and then instantly enter into a relationship with them; that’s just not how it works. Of course, that’s not to say that you might instantly click with someone or experience love at first sight, because I am a firm believer that those two things can happen. But even in those cases, it’s important that you spend more time with that certain lady. It simply allows for the two of you to develop a more genuine connection. And with all that in mind, this actually leads very nicely into my next point.

On top of being patient and letting a relationship develop naturally over time, another important thing to keep in mind is that it might not be the best idea to be actively seeking out a relationship. Just like letting the relationship develop naturally over time, it is better most of the time for the way you meet to be very organic as well. It could be something like meeting a girl who you share a class with, meeting a girl through work, or maybe meeting her through a church activity. There’s a variety of ways that this can happen. Just so you don’t misunderstand me, while it is important to not actively seek out a relationship, it’s also just as important to just be open to the possibility of one happening. All it takes is some common sense as well as a decent ability to pick up signals (something that I admittedly need to improve about myself).

So there it is! Hopefully this article was able to help any of you gents reading who may be having some trouble in you love lives. It’s certainly something that has opened my eyes and completely change my perspective on dating in general. In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading today’s article. Please be sure to share the article, follow the blog, follow The Young Gentleman’s Guide on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram, and support us on Patreon. And on that note, this is Max from The Young Gentleman’s Guide, and I’ll see you next time!

Incels: A Dangerous Ideology

Afternoon gents, it’s Max from the Young Gentleman’s Guide here! So for today’s article, I thought I would take a stab at talking about a subject that has become more and more prominent on the internet as of late: incels. For the uninitiated, incel is a portmanteau of the words involuntary celibate. It’s an online subculture made up of self-defeating men who are single virgins, but not on  their own accord. They feel entitled to sex with women, and when they don’t attain it, they blame all of their problems and tribulations on things like modern feminism and social justice, or the idea that women today have become shallow and cruel, only choosing from a small pool of attractive men while leaving the rest in the dust. This op-ed from the Washington Post goes into more detail about it, and I will also be using its sources, so be sure to read the whole thing.

Now that you are aware of what an incel is, that leaves this question: is this a bad, or possibly dangerous ideology? The short answer is yes, of course it is. Now, while I myself have my own criticisms against the modern feminist and social justice movements, and I don’t deny that such movements are creating problems within the realms of dating and marriage, I’m not about to blame them in their entirety for the problems within the dating pool. And as a result, I still advocate for my readers to be what you would call  traditional gentleman; be generally stoic, stand up for yourself, keep yourself generally presentable, and simply treat other people like individual human beings who deserve  basic human decency. These things are more than likely to land you a siginifcant other and lead to general happiness in life, even with such rapidly shifting social norms. However, many incels take this the exact opposite way. And just so we’re clear, I don’t mean to direct this at every single man who may have trouble on the flirtation/dating front. I realize that there are simply some men out there who are novices in the way of talking to and dating women, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m simply talking about that small subculture of men who blame those problems on those things I mentioned before, and believe they are entitled to sex or, for all intents and purposes, a girlfriend simply because they want it and think sex will lead to their ultimate happiness. And with social media, online forums, and message boards being as prominent as they are, incels are starting to form self-defeating and self-radicalizing communities that can often be escalated to a dangerous level.

A lot of terrible and misogynistic posts and tweets can, more often than not, be attributed to incels online (just get a load of this subReddit). They’ll often say that women are shallow, or that women don’t actually know what they want. It unfortunately doesn’t stop there however. Many incels take it a step further by having rape fantasies or saying that women brought about their own downfall by advocating for the right to vote! It’s truly a disgustingly backwards mindset, that can be and has been taken to a dangerous. At least a plurality of mass shootings and massacres have also been attributed to some incels, and more often than not, other incels may praise these acts and treat these murderers like heroes. This is the level it has reached. Put simply, most incels have a dangerous and backward mindset, and to anyone reading this who may feel themselves falling down that incel rabbit hole, here’s my advice. I get it, rejection can hurt, and for all I know, maybe it can be the woman’s fault and not yours. However, if you do get rejected and are having trouble with dating and flirtation, use it as a chance to see how you can improve instead of blaming the one who rejected you. Also, and I know that this will be a hard pill to swallow, but there will just be those women who won’t be interested in you. The sooner you’re able to accept that, the better.

I’m sorry if this article got so morbid, there’s simply a lot to unpack when it comes to incels. Just be vigilant, stand up for yourself, and strive to be the best you can be, and you’ll be just fine. In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading today’s article. Please be sure to share the article, follow the blog, follow The Young Gentleman’s Guide on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram, and support us on Patreon. And on that note, this is Max from The Young Gentleman’s Guide, and I’ll see you next time!

How to Date

Afternoon gents! So, I recently read an article from the Odyssey Online called “Why We Need To Start Dating Again.” It was a fantastic article which I’ll include a link to right here

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/miami/why-we-need-start-dating-again/105125

After reading that, I instantly knew it had to become a post on the blog. So today, I’m going to give you four (4) easy steps on how to date more properly. Now, for those of you who saw the video on my YouTube channel about ways to improve your first date, some of those things may apply to this post as well. So without any further ado, let’s start the list!

1. Ask her out in person

Now this applies before the date even starts. Now, in today’s increasingly digital age, it’s easy to just ask the girl you like out on a date over text message, Facebook Message, Snapchat, etc. And it’s because of this that asking someone out to their face is practically unheard of nowadays. But there is a huge problem with this. Without that direct channel,  you won’t be able to see her reaction to your proposition! Whether she’s single, taken, or just not currently interested in dating, she will, more often than not, be extremely flattered that you want to date her. And I get it, it can be extremely nerve-wracking, but the worst she can say is no. It’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t want to go out with you. It’s not like she’ll never want to speak to you again, she just doesn’t have those same feelings that you have. (On that note, there’s no such thing as the fabled “friend zone. If she doesn’t want to go out with you, just leave it at that.)

2. Set a time and stick to it

More often that not, all you hear about when someone goes on a date is that the person’s date was late either to meet them at the place or to pick them up (and yes, being “fashionably late”, whatever that means, still counts) . This is a problem not only with dating today, but with people in general. People don’t seem to value punctuality as much as they used to. The best thing when you ask someone out, hopefully in person like I mentioned earlier, you two should establish a time either to meet at wherever you two are planning to go, or for one of you to pick the other one up. You’ll just be asking for trouble if you can’t show up on time.

3. If you pick her up, go to her front door

We’ve all experienced it; someone picking someone else  up at their house and them just texting them saying “I’m here.” To those people, I have to ask: what’s wrong with going to their front door? It’s a great way to leave an impression on your date, and it could even be a way to introduce yourself to your date’s parents. Again,  I understand. It can be incredibly nerve-wracking, and it could be incredibly awkward, but it’s not the end of the world. So one small aspect of the date is kind of awkward. So what? It’s a date, it’s inevitable that not everything will exactly as planned. Just continue with the date and have fun!

4. Keep conversation colloquial

Up until now, all these tips apply before the actual date starts. But now that you’re out on the date, you need to keep your date engaged while you’re out. Obviously, you’ll have a conversation while you guys are out, but you need to keep what you’re talking about appropriate. You’ll clearly want to avoid any sensitive or controversial topics such as religion or politics, unless you two share similar views on such things, but for the most part, it should be avoided. Just keep things simple; if you guys are both in school, talk to each other about what you’re studying or what classes you’re taking. If you’re both working, talk about your jobs, what you do, or what your schedules look like (which could really help in setting up future dates). Those are just a few examples though. You could talk about your families, your hobbies, your favorite movies, etc. Again, anything except religion and politics.

So there you go! Follow these four (4) steps, and you’ll be on your way to a great date! Don’t worry if things get awkward, just keep it natural and enjoy each other’s company. If you follow these steps, things should go really well between you and your lady friend, and you could even have more dates in the future!

Be sure to follow me on social media and let me know how any of your dates go following these tips. Until next time, this is Max from Men in the Making, and I’ll see you next time!